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My high school class is celebrating our 30-year reunion this summer. Sadly, I learned this week that one of our classmates will not be attending. She passed away suddenly at home on Monday. We were not in the same group of close friends in high school, but I clearly remember her smile, her quiet nature, and her talent in art. 

An email from our high school alumnae organization shared the link to a myspace page created by her niece for people to share their memories of her Aunt Kathy. Her letter to her aunt is one of the most touching letters I’ve ever read, so I wanted to pass it along to others:

 dear aunt kathy,
i miss you so much already even though you only left monday. we may think that it is unfair that you had to leave but i know that god has a plan for all of us, in this case, he needed your help to change someone elses life. i know that uncle greg and brian loved you so much. i dont know what brian will do without you. you two were so close. living without a mom is so hard, i cant even imagine. but brian is strong and he has his dad and nearby family to help him through this whole situation. i hope that brian and uncle greg will not mourn too long over your passing and live their lives with you in their hearts, and i know that they will never forget you. we all love you so much! you will never die in our minds, your soul will live on forever in the hearts that love you and hold you dear.

please, everyone that reads this message, take this as a sign. a sign that your mom is amazing but wont be here forever. you never know when something unexpected will happen and god needs her more than you do. so this mothers day, do something extra special for her and do a little extra just to show how much you appreciate that she is around. god has a plan for all of us, all you have to do is listen to him and he will lead you down the right path.

i love you so much!
jojo <3

~Celebrate your sports mom with a Happy Mother’s Day!

 Laura

The local newspapers are giving deserved attention to the pitching staff of the OSU Beavers…but it’s still hard for me to read. I am happy for the success of some of the new players, but I am struggling with the fact that my son is on the DL right now. You see, after a long and difficult Pac-10 transfer from UW to OSU, he pitched two innings before straining his forearm, and he’s been working with the trainer ever since, trying to make his way back into the game. Fortunately, he is in the hands of wonderful coaches. We continue to hope that in time things will improve and he will be on the mound again challenging batters with a fastball that has some wicked movement and a curve ball that breaks late. It’s just hard to watch each week of the season slip by and wonder what the future brings.

Have any of you been through this? How did you manage? I just try to keep things in perspective and focus on the good stuff. (By the way, if you haven’t heard of it, I’d like to recommend the book Focus on the Good Stuff by Mike Robbins, former Stanford and MLB pitcher. Great food for thought.) So today, I will enjoy watching my younger son play with his high school team. There are only a few games left in this season. And, like Trace Adkins sings - You’re Gonna Miss This, I’m going to make sure I soak up every minute of the fun of sitting in the stands to cheer for my son. Then, I’ll look forward to celebrating my older son’s 21st birthday with him this weekend. Instead of being with OSU at WSU in Pullman, Washington, he’ll be home to celebrate. Maybe there is a silver lining in this cloud. But I have to admit, I’m ready for some sunshine.

Check out this feel-good story from the front page of The Oregonian today. It paints an inspiring picture of how some players can really shine in the world of sports.

http://www.oregonlive.com/sports/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/news/1209525916199200.xml&coll=7#continue

Ready for tomorrow’s game? It was so cold and wet and windy and… not very baseball friendly on Wednesday. I’m going to be remember to charge my battery-operated handwarmer this time!

If you look closely, you can see the snowflakes on the flowers! Is this baseball weather? I captured this snapshot on my walk through the Oregon State campus as the snow was quickly melting. I had some time to spare in the early morning hours before the regional tournament for the Columbia Empire Volleyball Association, so I enjoyed a quiet walk to a coffee shop just outside of campus. I just love making the most of those little, unplanned opportunities to feel like I’m on vacation. And I’m glad I was at OSU for my daughter’s volleyball tournament instead of my son’s baseball games. Although it felt like a refrigerator in the Truax Center, it was even colder outside. And it’s almost May!

Even if the weather doesn’t look like spring, there is a change in the air among sports parents right now. The shivering parents in the baseball stands are in the middle of their seasons and looking forward to some warmer days. There is plenty of baseball ahead. Some volleyball parents, on the other hand, are welcoming the end of the season soon. There is an interesting hum in the air - and it’s not from honeybees. As with any sports season, there seems to come a time when you feel ready for it to end. Time to move on to something else for a while.

The cold weather wasn’t the only thing that felt bitter during the weekend. That hum I heard was the sound of some parents and players venting their frustrations about situations involving coaches and other parents. It’s easy to get caught up in the conversations, and I found myself walking a fine line between listening and gossiping. Yes, there was the chaperone parent who did not show up at the hotel to do her job. And there were times when the coach was extra hard on some of the players. And there was the new girl on the team who seemed to be getting more than her share of playing time. These are definitely things that grab us and create an emotional response within us. It’s what I choose to do after I feel that grab within me that will take me one direction or another. I hope that words I shared with others helped to create understanding and did not add to the grumbling hum.

My focus was to keep in mind what truly mattered in each situation and how I could help my daughter learn to be a better player and teammate in the process. When the chaperone parent failed to show up, I was glad that I was able to spend the night at the hotel and take over the responsibilities. If the coach was a little too hard on a player, I tried to be understanding of what she was trying to accomplish and how she was trying to help the girls. (Also, I kept in mind that the words a player hears are not always the same as the words that have been spoken. I know my own kids don’t always hear exactly what I am saying. Do yours?) If playing time seemed to be unfair, I waited to see if it evened out throughout the weekend, and it did.

If it is snowing in April, then I can choose to make the most of the opportunity - take time to enjoy a walk in the crisp morning air, delight in the flowers along the way, and get a photo to share with you. This is the path I chose, and it took me to a quaint little coffee house that warmed my hands and my heart.

I never gave much thought to the expression “I’ll clear my calendar” until this week when my Palm desktop program surprised me with a completely blank calendar. I had gone to the kitchen to clean up after the morning rush to get the kids to school, and when I came back to my desk all events since 2005 were gone…vanished…nowhere to be found! Then in my efforts to resuscitate my lifeline to sanity, I ended up losing all the same valuable information on my handheld too. My calendar had died, and I have to admit I grieved a tiny bit for what I had lost.

Keeping track of the lives of six people, there was a lot of information on that calendar - lots of records that are handy to have when filling out college applications, doctors’ forms, and an occasional MLB draft information sheet. Funny thing is, the more I looked at that blank calendar, the more I started to like it. I started thinking about what life would be like if all my days were so open. I could just imagine all the fun, new things I would do. Where would I even start? Would I visit art museums? Take a gourmet cooking class? Go fishing? Do volunteer work? I could do whatever I want, whenever I want. How crazy is that?!

Then a sense of loneliness started to sneak up on me when I realized that, in a few short years, my calendar could be that empty. I know that when my kids are gone, I’ll experience what other moms have warned me will happen - my time will be filled with all kinds of new commitments. But it won’t be the same. My identity right now is “Mom.” My kids are my reason for getting up each day, and I’m loving it. Although some days it’s hard to keep up juggling the circus of a houseful of teenagers, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m not looking forward to empty calendar pages. Suddenly, I felt an eagerness to start filling in those calendar squares again with things like the high school baseball schedule, open gym times for volleyball, travel schedules for tournaments, driver’s tests, doctor’s exams, birthday celebrations, school holidays and final exam schedules.

But this time I might add something new. Maybe I’ll leave a few blank spaces just for me, for when I feel like exploring the places where my thoughts wandered when my calendar died. In the meantime, my first new entry is going to be a lunch date with some dear neighborhood friends. When I received the invitation, I was happy to reply that my calendar was completely clear! How about you? What would you do if you suddenly had your calendar cleared?

I usually don’t watch much television, and I especially can’t stand most of the reality shows that my daughters try to watch after school. I tend to find something to do in the kitchen while they watch TV so that I can censor things when they start getting really weird, or at least I can have a discussion with my kids that will make them think about what they are watching and use it to make better choices in their own lives.

So it surprises me to find myself sitting down to watch VH1 these days. Maybe you’ve caught the show too - I Know my Kid’s a Star. Does it just blow you away that some parents are so crazy?! Some parents will do anything to help their child become a Hollywood star. Like the mom who has spent $35,000 and quit her job to promote her 12-year-old daughter’s career. And the bickering between moms is escalating as some moms are viciously trying to knock other parents off by taking them mentally out of the game. It’s getting nasty, ugly….and interesting.

 I think the show process is bogus - they have no credibility in their selection process. Last night they told the moms that they were being evaluated on how much they could help their children while, at the same time, they could get along well with other parents. What a crock! They kept the crazy, pain-in-the-*#$@ moms. If they didn’t, people wouldn’t tune in to watch. We don’t want to see sweet, vanilla personalities. We tune in to see crazy, obsessed and over-the-top. And, as much as I can’t stand to listen to Danny Bonaduce, I have to admit that I want to see this show to the end.

The setting may be Hollywood for this show, but I think we could place these characters in a sports environment and have a similar story. Have you ever run across crazy people and ugly situations with your kid’s sports leagues and teams? If not, you must be new to the sports-parent world or you haven’t been paying attention. I hate to sound negative, but ugly stuff happens and it is important to look at how our own words and actions impact the lives of our children and the people around us. Parents have good intentions for the most part, but we all make mistakes. It is a good idea to look in the mirror - or the TV - and look closely at how I support my own kids as they reach for their dreams - especially since “I know my kid’s a star.”

OUCH! I woke up feeling the aches and pains of asking my muscles to do some work, so I went straight for some relief and took an Advil with my orange juice. Bill and I spent some time over the weekend shooting photos for the fitness book we look forward to printing soon, and I was inspired to recommit myself to the exercises I should be doing regularly. So I did all the body work exercises in the book and then went for a short walk/run…now I am keenly aware of where my weaknesses are. I’ve been struggling with sore knees and legs when I have tried to run recently, so I had taken time of to focus on getting rest and doing flexibility exercises to rehab my IT band. The soreness in the front side of my legs tells me I’ve got some strengthening to do now.

I thought I’d get back into the swing of things by doing “just” the body work exercises of our fitness programs. Well, it was a reminder of the incredible workout I can get in my own home without weights or equipment. Besides the soreness, I do feel so much better now. For one thing, it’s motivating to be getting back on track. And I have confidence that with a few more sessions, I will be feeling stronger and healthier every day. The other day, I had a few extra minutes at Macy’s and some bonus discounts, so I picked up a couple of new outfits for myself…something I never do since I’m always buying new clothes for my kids. I’ve been surprised at how the new clothes have given me a little motivation too. They fit well, but I can picture how much better I will look in them if I tone up my tummy and thighs. It’s even helped me say no to my afternoon mocha craving - my biggest weakness.

Summer is right around the corner! The sun is coming out more often, and I will enjoy a sunnier attitude if I am in better shape each day…even if I have to suffer through a little pain and take an occasional Advil with my breakfast.

I want to pass along to you this story of a high school freshmen baseball team who did the right thing. They chose not to whine, but to make a positive effort to turn a potentially rained-out game into a reason to celebrate. Instead of whining and complaining about poor field conditions, they pitched in to help prepare a muddy field so that they could play their game. I count my blessings every day to be living in a community that is raising such fine young men. Below is a copy of a letter sent to the high school head baseball coach and athletic director. To understand the story better, it helps to know that the home team, which was responsible for preparing the field, has a history of unsuccessful sports seasons and having lesser field conditions, while the kids who chose to be helpful rather than whine live in a community with a high rate of sports success and are stereotyped as spoiled, rich kids. I think some communities might do well to stop their whining and jealousy and take a lesson from these boys who know how to treat others. It’s also a good opportunity to reflect on my own actions and determine to which group I belong.

Meanwhile, enjoy this letter from one high school coach to the head coach of the opposing team:

I just wanted to take a minute to let you know what a great
group of kids and coaches you have at the freshmen level. Yesterday, as
we were trying to get our field ready to play, your kids and coaches
(without us asking by the way) helped us get the tarp off the field,
spread turface and rake out wet spots. I don’t think there’s any way we
would have gotten the game in without their help and they were
incredibly gracious about it. In similar situations in the past [not
with (your school), but other schools] we have experienced impatience, frustration
and ambivalence . Your group showed nothing but class and a desire to
get the game in. Please send my thanks to your freshmen players and
coaches. It is my hope that every team we play this year handles
themselves with as much class.Have a great spring break!(signed by the Baseball Coach)
M. High School

I am humbled by the responses I received in reply to my request for input on our family’s conflict between baseball and Easter. Many of you took time to give such thoughtful and positive suggestions. I could feel the emotion and caring behind so many of your ideas, and I appreciate your willingness to be open and share your comments with me.

What really touched my heart was hearing through your words how much you value your time with your children and that we all struggle with balancing our values and commitments. For the one guy who felt the need to rant about a “bogus religious holiday” and worshipping a “moon-cheese god” – I’m sorry but you missed the point completely. This conversation was about balancing what is important in our lives, whatever that may be to each one of us.

As it is with so many of our daily dilemmas, there is often not a right or wrong answer. Just good people making the best choices for the people they care about. This was not an exercise in finding the “right answer.” Rather it became a sharing of how we go about doing our best to follow our commitments to our families, our values, and the teams to which we choose to belong. Whether it is sports or work, there are things that take away from our time with our children. And some of us with older children are really feeling the tug of the future as our children grow up.

My appeal to you was coming from my place as a mother who is watching her son prepare to move out of our home. He hasn’t left the nest yet, but his days with us are numbered before he leaves for college and independence. I find myself wanting to celebrate all the little moments we have before he flies away.

I was surprised at the discovery of our dilemma, and I admit that I let myself become distracted by some previous struggles we have experienced with coaches. When I stopped to look at things from different perspectives, I was able to be open to understanding where the coach was coming from.

When I asked the coach about the timing of the trip, he explained that there were no options that would avoid the Easter conflict. (OK, I didn’t want to argue that one.) When he added that his wife wasn’t too happy about it either, suddenly I was able to see something I hadn’t seen before. I felt like the Grinch who Stole Christmas when “his heart grew three sizes that day.” This coach was asking his family (his wife and three young daughters) to make a sacrifice as well. His family is not going to have the Easter celebration of their choosing so that the coach can take my son and the rest of the team to Arizona for spring break. If I choose to look at it that way, I can see the generous gift my son is receiving from a coach who cares enough to take time away from his family for the sake of the team.

To top it off, he offered to provide transportation for any player who would like to attend church service on Easter. Now, that sounds like a solution that takes care of what we both care about. Although we each don’t get to enjoy our traditional family Easter celebrations, we will still be able to honor the importance of the day. And as so many of you recommended, this may turn out to be a growing experience for my son that could have a positive influence on him and others around him.

Our solution is that my son will be traveling to Arizona with his team because this is a very special time in his life and this experience is important to him. As with other challenges in my life, I can choose to focus on the good stuff. I will miss my son while he is not with us this Easter, but I will enjoy celebrating the day with my daughters and husband while my son enjoys time with his team using the gifts God has given him to be the best teammate and baseball player he can be.

Thank you again to all of you who have shared your thoughts and suggestions with me. Your input is a gift to others, and we are all better for the opportunity to understand your perspective. You make BioForce the rich, diverse, and caring family that we hope to be.

Your SportsMom,
Laura